Have You Ever Wondered?

Well, when I say people, I really mean me. Why is it everytime I go up a flight of steps, I actually need to RUN up the stairs? I don’t run before I get to the stairs. And I certainly don’t run after I finish climbing the stairs. Only during the big stair climb do I have the instinctual urge to run. Furthermore, why is it I can’t go up the stairs one by one? I just have to skip one and climb two steps at a time. It’s been going on all my life, I wonder why?

Is it because, due to some compliant spring-like mechanism in our hips, it is somehow more efficient to climb two steps at a time? Is it because our legs were somehow designed to stride a certain length each step, and that length somehow always equals to around two steps per stride? Or is it because our human mind is so puny that it cannot comprehend moving along a vertical axis, and therefore to keep up with the horizontal speed when walking on flat ground, we have to compensate by running up the stairs? Or is it because our brain doesn’t see as moving upwards as useful, hence it tells us to get the stair climbing over and done with as soon as possible? Or is it some male macho egotistical thing, that we need to scale the mini-mountains that is our concrete stairs as quickly as possible, to signal to any potential invaders that we are the king of the hill?

And, most perplexing of all, if the answer to any of these questions is affirmative, then why do most people walk up the stairs instead of run up?

Sigh, so many questions…

An Argentine, an Italian and a Frenchmen walk onto a football pitch. The Italian whispers sweet nothings into the Frenchmen’s ear, the Frenchmen headbutts the Italian, and the Argentine responds with a 3 by 5 inch cardboard version of a matador’s cloak.

Yes yes this is old news. I bet a huge portion of the human population has talked about it, and an ever larger portion, at least now, don’t care anymore. But I still wonder : Why did Zidane headbutt Materazzi? What did the latter really say to Zidane? And why didn’t Zidane use his fists instead?

Why would, a sheer genius like Zidane, crack like that? But, therein lies the hint : he’s a genius.

From a very young age I have come to notice to almost all people who are described as ‘geniuses’ have some critical flaw. I guess the same thing that sparks them to being special, is the same spark that banishes them from the normality of society. It’s the great human leveler. It’s God’s way of being fair.

Let me give you some examples :

Who’s the most famous scientist of all? Umm, no, not him. Who’s the second most famous scientist of all then? Yes, its Isaac Newton. The dude who ‘discovered’ the law of gravity after, as legend will have you believe, an apple fell on his head. The dude who came up with the basic equations of motion that we still use to this day. He is probably one of the smartest people ever to have lived (of not THE smartest) and yet this is the same person who took a needle and sticked it into his eye to see what would happen. No kidding!

Artists are famous for their eccentricity, but none have reached the level of Vincent van Gogh, who, after a bout of depression, stalked his ‘friend’ Paul Gauguin and eventually cut his left ear with a razor blade, wrapped it and gave it to a prostitute. Starry starry night indeed.

Philosophers have their weirdos too : Friedrich Nietzsche, one of the premier philosophers of modern times, who gave us quotes like "God is dead", decided, on a lovely sunny sunday afternoon, to jump in front of a horse-carriage and hug the horse around his neck - while the horse was still running!

Oh oh and who’s the highest selling musical artist of all time? Let me give you a hint : he’s probably been the butt of the most jokes of all time as well. Michael Jackson. He needs no further explanation, he’s just weird.

Who’s the most famous boxer of all time? Muhammed Ali - there’s also something wrong with him, he’s got Parkinsons. Or the next most famous boxer : Mike Tyson, the ear biting woman beating cry-in-my-closet-when-no-one-is-watching-me slugger. Weird.

Stephen Hawking, premier physicist, he’s in a wheelchair. Poor guy.

Oh and there is of course, Kurt Cobain.

So, in the grand scheme of things, you have to understand. Zidane had no choice. He’s a genius, and most geniuses have strange tendencies. It’s part and parcel of the great human leveler. Which of course, doesn’t bode well for people like me. I just hope, when I am 50 years old, I won’t be sticking needles into my eyes for fun…